New school, new friends, new town, new life! It can be a lot to handle all at once, especially when you add in the stresses of roommate drama. This is part two of the five-part series addressing the most common roommate dilemmas.
Problem: Their boyfriend/girlfriend is ALWAYS over!
Solution:
Nothing is more uncomfortable than having to deal with your roommate’s significant other. There is no tricky way around this one. You’ve just got to talk it out, but here are some tips on how to make that conversation the least awkward it can possibly be.
Tip 1: Bring it up when the boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t around and isn’t coming over any time soon.
You don’t want to put your roommate in a tough position where they are torn between accommodating you and plans with their boyfriend/girlfriend. They will just get mad at you for putting them in that spot and jump to defend their significant other (they may do this by attacking and discrediting you). The best time to talk about it is right after the boyfriend/girlfriend has left. That way, your roommate probably hasn’t made concrete plans to see them in the very near future and the boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t walk in the door half way through your conversation.
Tip 2: Start it off casual.
Don’t jump into the We-Need-to-Talk speech right away. Get them comfortable talking about their boyfriend/girlfriend first. “So, how’s that going?” “How long have you guys been together?” “Are you gonna make it Facebook official?” Those kinds of questions. Light and easy inquiries, but ones that get them on the subject of their relationship.
Tip 3: When you do dive into the We-Need-to-Talk speech, don’t attack them or their significant other.
If you go at it from an angle of “He/she is over all the time! And you never see your friends! He/she is so controlling! Why did you let this happen?!,” you are going to just create more problems for yourself. Their relationship is their business; you only have the right to comment on what is impacting your life.
Tip 4: When it is time for the We-Need-to-Talk speech, make specific requests.
Comments that end with “all the time” or “always” are going to make them think your solution is that their boyfriend/girlfriend can never, EVER, be around. That isn’t going to go over well and you probably won’t see much change. So, be specific. For example, “I really like [Insert Significant Other’s Name Here]. He/she is so funny. I can totally see why you like him/her so much. I’ve gotta ask you something, though. I’m not really comfortable when he/she stays overnight. I mean, we are all in the same room and share the same space. It kind of makes me feel weird. Is it okay if we don’t have guys/girls sleepovers?” Just. Be. Cool. You love their boyfriend/girlfriend! You love them! You love everyone and everything… except for those few, specific things that make you, not mad/frustrated/angry, but “uncomfortable.”
Come on, we’ve all done it. We get a new boyfriend/girlfriend and everything’s new and exciting and you want to be around each other 24/7. It is not that you don’t care about other people; it’s just that you don’t even notice other people! So, bring yourself and your needs to your roommate’s attention in a gentle and thoughtful way. Don’t attack or be pushy. As my brother would say, “Be a bro about it.” You’re talking about their Prince Charming/Cinderella here. Handle with care.
