You thought high school was over, but looks like the drama has followed you to university. Your roommate is driving you up the wall. You have no idea how you are going to spend six more months with this person. Your brain is about to explode. Have no fear, help is here! This is the first installment of a five-part series on how to deal with your roommate woes—from gross bathrooms to third-wheeling.
Problem: Their stuff/makeup/schoolwork is EVERYWHERE.
Solution: One of my best friends in first-year had this exact problem. Her roommate was a piggy. She left chicken wing bones in the bathroom for like three weeks. No joke. It is very tough when you live with a person to confront them directly about being… well, gross; so, here are some other ways to send them the message that they need to clean up their act (pardon the pun).
1. Make you side of the room freakishly clean—like Dexter Morgan clean.
Make your bed every day. Always put away your toiletries. If their stuff is on your side of the room, start piling it on their bed. With such a stark contrast to their messy ways, maybe they will jump to the conclusion that they are bugging you all on their own.
2. The buddy system never fails.
Have a friend walk into the room and say, “Whoa! Did a bomb go off in here?” Having a ‘third-party member’ state the obvious takes the pressure off of you, but gets the message across loud and clear.
3. Compensate—but only a little bit!
Because your roommate is not the cleanest of people, take out the garbage more often than you normally would. Leave the Windex and paper towels sitting on the counter, ready for battle. Make being clean convenient. But! DO NOT CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR ROOMMATE. You are not their slave and, if you start picking up their stuff, you will never stop. Also, if you become their personal Swiffer, you will find even more reasons to resent them.
4. Sticky notes are your friend.
My friend from last year used to leave little friendly reminders to her roommate with sticky notes on the mirror about their chores for that week. Make sure you don’t just make it about them, though! Maybe it is your roommate’s turn to vacuum and your turn to clean the bathroom; so, leave a little note saying “[Insert Roommate’s Name] Vacuum!” and another note with “[Insert Your Name] Bathroom!” That way, they can’t say they forgot, but they also don’t feel singled out.
5. Talk it out.
If these crafty ways to tell your roommate that they are being messy aren’t working, then having a mature conversation with them may be your best option. I know it is the last thing you want to do because it is so awkward, but if you a cool and relaxed, they will be too. Take them out for coffee. Go for a walk. Make sure you are both in a good mood. Don’t whip out the “You’re Gross” card in the middle of a fight or after they have had a rough week. It won’t go over well and it will just cause you more problems. Also, make the cleanliness problem about you, not them. Say something like, “Hey, I need your help with something. I’m having a hard time focusing/feeling relaxed/being comfortable in our room because I’m a bit of a neat freak. I was wondering if I could ask for your help because I don’t want me being unfocused/tense/uncomfortable to affect my school work/relationships.” Me, me, me. Not: you, you, you. Odds are your roommate will be kind of embarrassed that you think they are messy; so, they will appreciate you putting the focus on yourself.
Remember living with your family? You and your parents had issues. You and your siblings had issues. Living with people isn’t going to be picture perfect. There is going to be conflict, especially when you are living with someone who grew up in a different home with different expectations of cleanliness. However, by being compassionate and considerate, you can work things out. Just put yourself in their shoes. It would be pretty embarrassing to have your roommate say that you were a piggy; so, be kind with your words and they will be kind back.
